Glitter Eyes & Trying Times...

So I had to have a regular 3 month checkup today with the doctor.  The doctor's intern is this young guy who is cute, I was so embarassed to be weighed by him.  I dropped 7 lbs. from last time I had been in. I was told that I need to stay at this weight because it is healthy and then my mom HAD to share with her that she notices I haven't been eating. Really mom? Wow, you're observant. I lied and said I ate later last night even though all I ate was a waffle and an orange yesterday.  So my mom and I went grocery shopping and she made me pick out stuff I'd eat.  I picked up whole-grain stuff and a lot of things with protein.  She said it was okay if I want to loose more weight but I need to do it more slowly. Hey, if I am being given the OK to loose more weight, that is exactly what I will do. However instead of coming back in 3 months I have to come back in 1 so she can monitor my weight...cool.

Bad last couple days. I've been doing nothing, summer totally sucks already and it's only the 5th day. I need to get out of the house and find something to do.  I have NO money because my boss doesn't need me recently and all I wanna do is tan so I can feel more confident going to the pool and not looking so pale! I got to hang out with him a lot recently, it's been good. We'll see where things take us. Starting back today cutting down what I eat. Crossing my fingers I don't slip! Xx0

I'm new to this. It's 1:43 AM. I can't sleep. I spent the day with him today and having him wrap his arms around me or touch me made me feel more insecure than ever.  He's got muscle but I feel bigger than him. I know I'm bigger than him. Where does everything go from here? Summer is tomorrow and that means time to pull out the bikini's....great. The one summer I have a guy in my life I feel larger than life. He's picked up on my habits, he notices more than anyone and I don't know why. He gets me. I think he knows somethings up with me. I'm giving him the weekend to hang out with his guys friends while I work on myself. This is also known as isolation time for me where I don't have to worry about going out with friends and being forced to eat around them. I can stay home and go to the gym for hours until I feel exhausted. We'll see what happens. That's all for now, time to sleep. Xx0